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Roger Goodell fines Ndamukong Suh $50,000 for “shits and giggles”

Suh

Roger Goodell has done some fairly unique (let’s go with that, unique. Much like it was a “unique” decision for the Browns to trade Trent Richardson. Very unique.) things as commissioner, today he did it again. He fined Ndaumkong Suh. Not for a dirty hit (which Suh’s had plenty of), not for being a douchebag (which Suh always is), not for some substance abuse issue (which is always a threat with a Detroit Lion), not even for an actual NFL rule. He fined him for “shits and giggles.” Yes, he actually used those words.

Goodell fined Suh $50,000 for “shits and giggles.” Most people spray paint something, or a put a flaming bag of poop on someone’s door for shits and giggles (or perhaps for flaming shits and giggles), Roger Goodell fines people money that for many people in the U.S. would be a year’s worth of salary. Why’d he do it? Why’d he list it on the official transaction report? “I’m bored,” Goodell said. “Honestly, these new safety rules have really helped the the game and the players, but they are boring the shit out of me.”

Well isn’t that a surprising revelation from the commissioner of the NFL hell bent on turning football into a powder puff flag football game. “It’s true. They’re scaring everyone from actually hitting someone like a man and I’m having to make up reasons every week to fine someone. And since the idiots at the players association HAVE to have a reason for everything, I told the truth. Plus, since it’s Suh, I figured I could post shits and giggles and no one would notice. Guess I was wrong,” Goodell said.

Naturally, Ndamukong plans to appeal. What does Goodell think of that? “Big deal. They appeal every god damn thing I do and it’s getting really annoying. Let him appeal, I’ll do it again. I’m Roger MF-ing Goodell. I run this shit. I’m in the empire business. Tread lightly, SUH.” A distinct odor of whiskey came from Roger’s mouth as he got angrier and angrier. He also suddenly had a goatee, glasses, and had shaved his head. Looks like someone’s been watching a little too much of the Breaking Bad marathon.

Looks like Roger Goodell’s found a new nemesis, and James Harrison’s officially off the hook. Oh wait, Harrison was just fined $25K for thinking that. Never mind. One thing is for certain, you never know what Roger Goodell’s going to do next. He may suspend someone 4 games, he may invade Poland. You just never know.

 

One Comment

  1. Pingback: SOURCE: Ndaumkong Suh fined $100,000 for Mike Tomlin’s actions - NOTSportsCenter

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