Florida names Tim Tebow statue starting QB


With Jeff Driskel out for the season with a broken ankle suffered during the Tennessee game (or possibly after the game when Will Muschamp realized he didn’t want him coming back anytime soon and took a little…action), Florida has had to find another QB. Tyler Murphy showed promise, but he’s still too raw for the Gators’ liking. So they’ve turned to someone else. Or in this case someTHING else. The Gators named the Tim Tebow statue outside their stadium (pictured above) as the team’s new starting QB.

“Tyler made some nice plays but he doesn’t have that IT factor i’m looking for,” said Gators coach Will Muschamp. “I need a QB that I know is a winner. And this statue was built in the mold of the biggest winner of all time, how could it fail? I missed the original Tebow era, I want to be a part of it.” Poor baby! If you listen closely, you can hear Skip Bayless screaming like a 12 year old girl seeing Justin Bieber for the first time over this news. But how will the team run an offense with a QB literally made out of stone?

“Have you been watching Jeff Driskel? Going from him to a QB made out of stone is like going from Mark Sanchez to Aaron Rodgers,” Will Muschamp said, pulling no punches about his former QB. “Plus this QB has Tebow magic. TEBOW. MAGIC. I can’t wait to see it with the ball and everyone falling off trying to tackle it. I won’t even have to coach, I’ll just chisel the Tebow speech off the wall and have the statue hold that in front of the team every week. He can motivate without even saying a word. I told you: magic.”

But isn’t Tebow’s eligibility gone? Well turns out, according to NCAA rules they just made up today, his statue has 4 years of his own eligibility. So this could literally never end if they keep building statutes of the statues. Unless the statue signs some autographs, then it will only have 3 years, 11 and a half games of eligibility. What does Tim Tebow think about his statue being named starter? “I’m excited for him, excited for the team, excited for the program, excited for Gator Nation,” Tebow said. Of course he is.

Don’t be surprised when the statue gets drafted in 2017 and has a longer NFL career than the guy he was made in honor of. This one can’t throw either but literally never will. At least he isn’t too stubborn to recognize his own limitations. Welcome to Tebowmania Part II. He’s baaaaaaaaack!

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