NBA rescinds Heat’s 2012-13 title for losing to the Sixers

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: October 30, 2013

On Wednesday, LeBron and the Heat took their talents to Philly and walked off the court having lost to a team that literally announced to the world “We’re going to suck this year, we know it, you know it, everyone knows it, so we’re not gonna try to hide it.” Well not all of the Heat, Dwyane Wade decided he’d rather go shop for new skintight pants and a purse at Forever 21 than play (not for his wife, for himself, duh), so only 2 of the Big 3 played. You’d think the Heat would still roll, right? MVP is all they need? Wrong.

The game started 19-0 Sixers. NINETEEN to NOTHING. LeBron and 11 of his twitter followers shouldn’t be trailing the Sixers by 19, let alone 90% of the Heat. Evan Turner even gave LeBron a little of his own Jason Terry medicine:

After the loss, David Stern decided it was too embarrassing, and has rescinded their title from last year. LeBron is now down to 1 ring. A very emotional David Stern, wiping away tears: “This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. It’s just not fair. I love this team from the bottom of my heart…it kills me to do this to them. But I just can’t let them lose to the Sixers without any consequences. So I’m rescinding their title from last year. I’m not giving it to the Spurs though, those old fools can kiss my ass.”

Who is he giving it to? “I don’t know, I don’t care right now. Maybe the Bobcats because wouldn’t that be hilarious? Like I care, I’m retiring in February. I just want to watch the world BURN. This is all your fault LeBron. After all we’ve been through. How could you do this to me?” Uh oh. Sounds like we may have a jilted lover on our hands. Who knows, David Stern could give everything to the Bobcats for “basketball reasons” or for “IDGAF I’m retiring you can suck it reasons.”

Stay tuned…as the Heat turns will be right back after these messages.