SOURCES: An old woman caused Dwyane Wade to flop at a Grocery store

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: May 31, 2013

Dwyane Wade decided to go grocery shopping in Miami before heading to Indiana for Game 6. Little did he know how much of a mistake that would end up being. According to sources, an elderly woman nudged Wade, and out of habit, he flew backwards 10 feet crying for a foul, even briefly faking an ankle injury until he realized where he was.

Wade then shut the act down and immediately flipped on charmer mode hoping no one would say anything. “Sorry ma’am, force of habit. That comes from being a fierce competitor always looking for an edge,” Wade told the old woman. It’s either that or it comes from being a weak, whiny little baby used to always getting his way. Guess it depends on your perspective.

Wade continued, “If you keep this quiet I’ll give you front row seats to our next home playoff game. It’s not like anyone actually shows up to use them, so I’ve got plenty.” The old woman looked at him confused, “I have no idea who you are or what you do. You’re an athlete? Do you play for the Miami Heats? That’s a soccer team right?” As usual, Miami’s knowledge of the Heat is incredibly impressive.

Wade corrected her, “No ma’am. It’s basketball. We don’t kick the ball, unless someone doesn’t call a foul we want. Then we’ll probably punt it into the stands. But it’s on me. My treat.” The woman responded, “Great! It better not interfere with Bingo though. I really want to beat that Juwan Howard guy that always shows up and wins somehow. I hate him.” Wade said, “But he pla…never mind. I hate him too. It’s like dude, don’t you have grandkids to tend to or something? Get outta here.”

Wade smoothed it over with her and thought no one saw his “incident.” Unfortunately for him, people did. Many laughed. Anonymous grocery store shopper shared his thoughts, “Dwyane Wade has to be weakest man I’ve ever seen in my life. My 5 year old daughter is tougher. She throws fewer tantrums too.” Ouch! Watch out dude, an “inadvertent” elbow could be coming your way for comments like that.

Dwyane Wade: he’s part basketball all star, part old lady schmoozer, part WWE wrestler, part soccer player, part 4 year old girl. That’s some impressive versatility.