What happened in sports while Derrick Rose was gone?


Derrick Rose is finally back playing regular season basketball. It seems like it’s been decades (it was actually 18 months and a couple days). But what all happened while he was gone? Well, a lot. A hell of a lot. We couldn’t capture it all if we tried. Here’s some of the craziest things that happened while Rose was gone (it’s long, so each sport is separated by page…5 pages total, which is actually really short compared to how long it could’ve been):


NBA: The entire league demanded a trade to the Nuggets

LeBron James: Has won 2 rings (there were LeBron no ring jokes when Rose last played. it’s been THAT long.), 2 MVPs, 2 Finals MVPs, and a gold medal, donated $50 to Red Cross and honored himself for it (

Jason Collins: Became the first “active” NBA player to come out of the closet, swears he didn’t do it because no one wanted to sign him. He swears.

Brian Scalabrine: Retired and the league will never be the same again

Luke Walton: Had an incredible game where he finished with a triple-half double

Jason Kidd: Played for 2 teams, was arrested, retired, became a head coach, plead guilty to DUI. He’s been busy. He may also get fired before you finish reading this.

Dwight Howard: Was on the roster of 2 different teams, changed his mind 574,834 times (yes, that’s accurate) and then joined a 3rd, put us through 2 Decision-type events (TWO. At least they aren’t televised. Or involve Jim Gray. But man. Two of them.)

Allen Iverson: Retired and finally got a job…at McDonalds (

Tracy McGrady: Played in China, came back and played in the NBA Finals. TRACY MCGRADY. In the FINALS. (arguably the most unbelievable on here)

Danny Green: Exploded on the scene in the 2013 Finals, went missing before Game 6, has not been seen or heard from since (we may need an amber alert here)

Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Doc Rivers: All left the Celtics, Allen has won another ring the Heat

Brandon Knight and Jason Terry: Died on the court due to DeAndre Jordan and LeBron, respectively. RIP.

Greg Oden: Returned from about 83,957 knee surgeries, played 4 whole pre-season minutes, dunked, and survived! (

Iman Shumpert: Recovered from a torn ACL (from the same exact day as Rose) and then did this in the 2013 playoffs:

Frank Vogel: Resigned after being outcoached by Erik Spoelstra

David Stern: Asked Jim Rome if he had stopped beating his wife yet, announced his retirement

Kings: Almost moved to Anaheim, almost moved to Seattle, stayed in Sacramento, almost moved to Iceland (

Hornets: Changed names to Pelicans (yes, there’s an NBA team named Pelicans, even we couldn’t come up with a name that ridiculous)

Bobcats: Eliminated from the playoffs twice (during the 2012-13 season, and when the 2013-14 schedule was released:, changed names back to the Hornets

Lakers: Created a “super team” and got swept in the first round. Have had 2 head coaches, and crazily turned down by far the best one, which would’ve been a 3rd.

Hawks: Eliminated from the playoffs on the same night as the Falcons and Braves without even playing (


(Next page: MLB)

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