Why (Your Team) Won’t Win The World Series

We here at NOTSportsCenter have already proven that we hate every team in the league. Naturally we – with the help of some of the great followers of @NOTSCMLB – are going to tell you why each team still playing in October will not win the World Series. Since the first game belongs to the National League, we will start with the Senior Circuit.

NATIONAL LEAGUE

Atlanta Braves

During an off day, catcher Brian McCann watches an NBA preseason game and his head explodes.

#WhyTheyWontWinWS Braves because they'll be busy handing out unsportsmanlike conduct penalties to opponents who dare to celebrate. @NOTSCMLB

— Jason (@BayAreaFan2) October 1, 2013

Cincinnati Reds

Brandon Phillips adamantly insists the team will win the World Series because “each player is showing signs of being infected with ‘swag flu'”. Alas, it’s actually ricin.

@NOTSCMLB #WhyTheyWontWinWS You can't be good at baseball AND chili capital of the world, you have to pick one or the other. #Reds

— HE HATE ME (@Uncle__Gator) October 1, 2013

Los Angeles Dodgers

The team blows a number of chances to close out a series because of how uncomfortable it has become trying to play baseball while wearing swimming trunks under their uniforms.

@NOTSCMLB #WhyTheyWontWinWS Because all their pee in the D-Backs pool will come back positive for PED's (Dodgers)

— High Flying Sports (@HFSportsNews) September 30, 2013

Pittsburgh Pirates

The Bucs are forced to forfeit when no one is able to get into PNC Park due to the automatic locks on the gates not being changed from their usual schedule of October through March.

@NOTSCMLB #WhyTheyWontWinWS They're the #Pirates. They need a dictionary just to know what the definition of the "playoffs" is.

— HSN Breaking News (@HSN_News) September 30, 2013

St Louis Cardinals

With Allen Craig already out due to a foot injury, the Cardinals lose another first baseman when Matt Adams leaves the team to film the role of Mongo in a “Blazing Saddles” sequel.

@NOTSCMLB #WhyTheyWontWinWS A Royals fan "accidentally" exterminated the rally squirrel population at Busch Stadium. #Cardinals

— HE HATE ME (@Uncle__Gator) October 1, 2013

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