Winnipeg Jets Relocate Back To Atlanta


Atlanta—In a shocking move, the NHL has relocated the Winnipeg Jets to Atlanta, where the team was originally located until the 2011-2012 season.

“We are happy to return the Jets to Atlanta,” Gary Bettman announced to the city. “Once we realized that Winnipeg was a frozen hellhole that no one wanted to play in, we immediately rectified the situation by returning the team to a much warmer locale.”

Winnipeg fans were shocked to awake to the news that the team had moved overnight, leaving the MTS Centre completely vacant.

“It’s utterly soul-crushing,” Mayor Sam Katz told reporters, hurriedly wiping tears from his face before they froze there. “Fans had been waiting for so long for a team, and now the team is gone again.”

There was no indication of a pending move, with the Jets enjoying packed venues every home game, but local fans knew something was afoot.

“I knew something was off,” one local fan commented. “When Katz stopped showing up to games, I figured something was up.”

“It all makes sense now!” another fan realized. “I thought I saw a new Bentley driving around the city recently. It’s odd when you see a vehicle on the road that’s not a snowplow.”

The city of Atlanta was also surprised by the news of receiving their old team back.

“We got the Thrashers back?!” a local resident exclaimed after being informed of the news. “Oh, man! After they left, all the teams we had were winners. Now we’re stuck with this stupid group of losers again!”

The team is expected to move back into their old arena, which is currently used as a venue for amateur wrestling and motocross races. Single game tickets are reportedly being offered for $0.50, with suite and on-ice experience tickets selling for $5. The team, fresh off a victory over the Carolina Hurricanes, will no longer have to commute the 1,000+ miles to Manitoba after every away game.

“It’s awesome,” Evander Kane, obviously excited, told reporters once he heard the news. “I no longer have to dress in 8 layers when I go clubbing.”

Dustin Byfuglien was even happier. Reports have indicated he has already reserved over 100 seats at a local comfort food restaurant, and attempts to reach him were rebuffed by his agent.

It’s interesting to note that this is the first time a team has been relocated during a season. The Phoenix Coyotes, always at the center of relocation rumors, are no longer guaranteed to finish the season in Glendale. This is something to keep an eye on as the season concludes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>