NFL Week 10 Power Rankings


Power rankings: the most argued and debated thing in sports that means literally absolutely nothing. People get pissed off and make crazy death threats against people because “my team should be #7 instead of #9…I’ll kill you…I’ll kill all of you!!!!” No one’s opinion about who the best team in the NFL is matters, the only thing that matters is winning the Super Bowl, but we all need something pointless to argue about because this is America after all. Arguing about pointless stuff is what we do (see also: politics).


But on that note, after taking a week off like the Titans and Dolphins did this week, here’s our power rankings for after Week 10!

1. Kansas City Chiefs (Two Weeks Ago: 1. Dwayne Bowe is (was?) going to play in a state where marijuana is legal and still managed to get arrested for possessing it. Now THAT is impressive.)


2. Denver Broncos (Two Weeks Ago: 2. Odds are we’ll be back to saying how overrated the Broncos are next week, even after they beat a 9-0 team. So overrated. Especially if they aren’t your team. Remember: everyone with better records than your team is overrated, and your team is seriously underrated, no matter who it is. Even the two 1-8 teams. Okay, okay not the Jags.)


3-28. A bunch of NFL teams (Two Weeks Ago: 3-29. 2 out, 1 back in. The NFL cluster continues to be a clusterf—, just like the whole league this year.)


29. Alabama Crimson Tide (Two Weeks Ago: 31. Survived a T-Rex invasion. The highest listed college team and above 4 NFL teams, Alabama fans probably won’t be happy with this spot either: Roll Tide Y’all.)


30. Florida State Seminoles (Two Weeks Ago: 30. Is it even a joke to call this team the best professional team in Florida? Is it? Seriously, we’re asking.)


31. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Two Weeks Ago: NR but 3 below the A’s. Huge jump after the first win. Considering how many of them have MRSA, shouldn’t they be scoring TDs on every play? Who really wants to touch them? Schiano can’t do anything right.)


32-149. The other 118 FBS football programs (Two Weeks Ago: 33-150.)


150-271. 121 FCS football programs (Two Weeks Ago: 151-272.)


272-440. 169 Division II football schools (Two weeks Ago: 273-441.)


441. Blue Mountain State (Two Weeks Ago: 32. Tim Tebow wants to call college games, he should be forced to announce BMS games. SINNERS! YOU’RE ALL SINNERS!)


442. Hogwarts (Two Weeks Ago: 443. Much like the Jets’ season up to this point, it’s probably wizard magic that they’re even ranked this high.)


443. Los Angeles Temptation (Two Weeks Ago: 444. Maybe Jonathan Martin would feel comfortable in a locker room filled with women like these. Or maybe not (*Seinfeld voice* not that there’s anything with that).)


444. Miami Dolphins (Two Weeks Ago: 3-29. We will analyze this team the same way MNF did: Richie Incognito’s Jonathan Martined Incognito Martins Jonathaned Richie. Incognito Martin. Richie. Jonathan.)


445-1491. A bunch of DIII schools and the other Lingerie Football League teams and some fraternity intramural teams and high school teams (Two Weeks Ago: 445-1491)


1492. Miami Heat (Two Weeks Ago: 1492. LeBron says they’re playing like “shit” defensively in basketball, which is the same defense 2 of the NFL teams in Florida are running)


1493. Little Giants (Two Weeks Ago: 442. This team has been hit hard by a juicing scandal and now a bullying scandal as well. Ice Box reportedly won’t stop giving her teammates Indian burns. That’s so insensitive. She should be giving them Native American burns.)


1494. Dillon Panthers (Two Weeks Ago: 1494. It’s time to make a big push for state, think Smash Williams still has any eligibility left?)


1495. Jacksonville Jaguars (Two Weeks Ago: NR but 4 below the A’s. Started from the bottom now we’re 1495th! START THE PARADE! This team screwed up and won and thanks to the Dolphins, kept the worst record. Biggest moment in team history.)


1496-100000. All the other high school teams, YMCA teams, pee wee teams, senior league teams, powder puff teams, groups of people that can spell “football” in the U.S. (Two Weeks Ago: 1496-100000)


(50 feet of crap)


Not Ranked: Oakland A’s (Two Weeks Ago: Not Ranked. STILL holding steady right below Brad Pitt’s 50 feet of crap. They’re staying here permanently. If you don’t get the reference, do yourself a favor and watch Moneyball. If you gloss over how it makes no mention whatsoever of the amazing pitching staff they had, it’s a pretty good movie.)


Not Ranked but 1 below the A’s: Savannah State Tigers (Two Weeks Ago: NR but 1 below the A’s. Building off the excitement of their first win, the Jags have requested 15 games against this team next year, hoping they can maybe go for broke and win 2 or even THREE games. Can you imagine? 3 Jags wins? Crazy.)


Not Ranked but 2 below the A’s: Tennessee Titans (Two Weeks Ago: 3-29. They go down in history as the answer to who was the team stupid enough to screw up and lose to the 2013 Jaguars, and are already suffering the consequences: How could you let this happen Tennessee? Honestly, how? You could’ve lined up and taken knees on every single play and still beaten the Jags and you LOST to them? At home? Wow. Just wow. They may never move from this spot again. Ever.)


Fallen off the chart completely: New Mexico Aztecs, Colorado Avalanche

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