Post Week 6 NFL Power Rankings


Power rankings: the most argued and debated thing in sports that means literally absolutely nothing. People get pissed off and make crazy death threats against people because “my team should be #7 instead of #9…I’ll kill you…I’ll kill all of you!!!!” No one’s opinion about who the best team in the NFL is matters, the only thing that matters is winning the Super Bowl, but we all need something pointless to argue about because this is America after all. Arguing about pointless stuff is what we do (see also: politics).


But on that note, here’s our power rankings for after Week 6!

1. Kansas City Chiefs (Last Week: 3-27. This team won 2 games last year, is 6-0 and on pace for 80 sacks this year. Romeo Crennel is the Ryan Leaf of coaches.)


2. Denver Broncos (Last Week: 1. Yeah, they dropped. Long story short: You can’t throw a pick 6 against the JAGUARS and keep the #1 spot. At least not this week.)


3-29. A bunch of NFL teams (Last Week: 3-27. Two new entries in the big clusterfudge in the middle. Who didn’t make it? )


30. Alabama Crimson tide (Last Week: 28. They’re only ahead of 3 NFL teams now, Nick Saban must be thinking about Tex…hahahaah yeah right. Dream on Texas.)


31. Little Giants (Last Week: 29. Still the best team by far with the name “Giants” in it. That includes you, San Francisco Giants.)


32. Blue Mountain State (Last Week: 30. Dropped two spots after dropping one. Someone needs to shotgun some beers and go streaking. QUICKLY. BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.)


33-151. The other 119 FBS football programs (Last Week: 31-149. Rough week when 99% of college football drops, need room for more SEC teams.)


152-273. 121 FCS football programs (Last Week: 150-271. Poor FCS, all they do is lose lose lose no matter what.)


274-442. 169 Division II football schools (Last Week: 272-440. DII drops II.) (Yeah that’s not much of a comment but it’s Division II. Cut us a break will ya?)


443. Dillon Panthers (Last Week: 443. Holding steady right before the big game with East Dillon. Coach Taylor’s torn who to pull for though.)


444. Los Angeles Temptation (Last Week: 442. The ladies again drop after moving up, they’re a regular emotional roller coaster. Probably their time of the month.)


445. Hogwarts (Last Week: 1492. Harry Potter’s boys have blown past 3 NFL teams. Time to add them to the NFC East.)


446-1492. A bunch of DIII schools and the other Lingerie Football League teams and some fraternity intramural teams and high school teams (Last Week: 445-1491)


1493. New Mexico Aztecs (Last Week: Not on the Chart. Willie Beamen’s been dominating since moving from the Miami Sharks, so we figure it’s time to acknowledge it.)


1494. Savannah State Tigers (Last Week: 444. A week after jumping 1049 spots, they dropped back 1050. Should’ve paid us like everyone else guys. We told you. )


1495-99999. All the other high school teams, YMCA teams, pee wee teams, senior league teams, powder puff teams, groups of people that can spell “football” in the U.S. (Last ¬†Week: 1494-99998)


100000. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last Week: 441. Schiano’s right, they’ve got potential for so much more. They’re this close to the big time: dropping off this chart.)


(50 feet of crap)


Not Ranked: Oakland A’s (Last Week: Not Ranked. STILL holding steady right below Brad Pitt’s 50 feet of crap. We’re THAT committed to the reference.)


Not Ranked but 1 below the A’s: Miami Heat (Last Week: NR but 3 below the A’s. They’re moving up, better give LeBron the NFL MVP trophy now. #ESPNLogic)


Not Ranked but 2 below the A’s: Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Week: NR but 4 below the A’s. BREAKING: THEY AREN’T THE WORST TEAM ON HERE. START THE PARADE!!!!)


Not Ranked but 3 below the A’s: New York Giants (Last Week: NR but 1 below the A’s. THIS JUST IN: Eli’s been picked 5 times while you read this. Antrel Rolle says this team is capable of “blowing teams out.” If by “teams” he means his own team, then absolutely. UPDATE: Eli was just picked off again.)





Fell all the way off the chart: Texas Rangers (the baseball losing never stops in Texas. Just ask the Astros.)


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