Yankees demoted to AA for the season for losing to the Astros twice

By NOTSCWill
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Updated: April 3, 2014

The Yankees insisted 2013 was a fluke. The team with 27 ringzzzzzzzzz wasn’t going to miss the playoffs again, and to prove it, they went out and raided every retirement home they could to find some new players. Turns out, acquiring players that old isn’t exactly a viable strategy (unless you’re building an all-star bingo team). After spending enough to buy the continent of Europe, the Yankees couldn’t even beat the Astros and their little league roster. And naturally, Bud Selig wasn’t happy.

So after 2 straight embarrassing losses, Selig decided he’d had enough and immediately demoted the team to AA. Why not AAA? “Let’s put it this way: they’re lucky I’m not folding the franchise period over this embarrassment,” said Selig. “I’d rather end the World Series in a tie than have one of my teams lose to the Astros twice in a row. So they’re being demoted to AA for the rest of the season, and I’m promoting the Bad News Bears to the majors. At least I know THEY won’t lose to the Astros twice.”

The newest members of the big leagues

What do the Bad News Bears think about replacing the New York Yankees in the big leagues? “This is crazy, a lot of these kids haven’t even hit puberty yet, let alone try to hit a major league pitch,” said coach Morris Buttermaker. “But even though they swing like Helen Keller at a pinata party, I know they can at least beat the Astros. I’m excited for this opportunity, and I know the kids will be excited to skip school and homework. Who needs algebra when you’re in the big leagues at 12 years old?”

You’d think sending the Yankees to AA puts a damper on the year-long Derek Jeter retirement party, but don’t tell Jeter that. “Are you kidding? This is great! I get one last chance to bang minor league groupies. Those chicks are freaky,” said Jeter. “Plus I don’t even have to worry about gift baskets, some PBR or some boxed wine and they’re thrilled. I couldn’t think of a better way to go out. Plus, the rest of these guys could use some work. I’m not sure Ichiro even remembers what a bat is for.”

A Jeter hookup souvenir

This could lead to speculation of Jeter getting traded to a contender (like the Indians: notsportscenter.com/JeterToTheIndians), but you know they won’t do that. They aren’t interested in players that don’t need to wear depends.

So it looks like everybody wins. Jeter gets to re-live his minor league glory days one last time, and MLB gets a team that won’t wet itself when it steps up to the plate this season. Plus the Yankees might even make the playoffs now. Or if they don’t, Yankee fans will get to spend October doing their favorite thing: countin’ rings.