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SOURCE: The Jaguars applied to join a YMCA Flag Football League

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The Jacksonville Jaguars. The team nobody, not even their hometown prodigal son Tim Tebow, wants anything to do with. Yes, Tim Tebow, the guy so desperate to prove he’s a “quarterback” decided that it was more beneficial to his career to spend a year protecting punts for the Jets than be caught dead on the Jaguar roster. Ouch. So after some self reflection and twisting his mustache a few hundred times, new Jaguars owner Shad Khan has finally realized that the NFL is a little too difficult for them.

So where will they go? Canada? The Arena League? The SEC? The ACC? The Big East American Dumpsterfire Conference? According to a source, they didn’t even apply to join a college conference. It’d be embarrassing getting blown out by Vanderbilt in the SEC or finishing last in the ACC. Sure, they’re used to getting embarrassed, but they want an actual chance to maybe win 5 or 6 games. So they applied to join a local YMCA flag football league, ages 5-14.Yes, they had to apply, even the YMCA wasn’t sure they were worthy.

Jaguar officials are really hopeful that they get accepted so they can stop worrying about things like tackling, tarps, ticket sales, merchandise sales, etc. 20 home fans would be a huge crowd at a YMCA game, and they wouldn’t have to worry about 40,000 opposing fans paying $2 for tickets to a game and laughing for 3 hours as their team beats the Jaguars by 40 like everyone else. Plus there’s no threat of moving to London or L.A. as a YMCA team, only a threat of missing out on juice boxes and pizza if they lose to the other kids.

Meantime, the team has been encouraged to attend the annual YMCA youth football clinic to learn the basic fundamentals of football such as passing, catching, and running while promoting good sportsmanship and teamwork. That way if they aren’t accepted to the YMCA league, at least they can learn a few things that will help them go from getting blown out 59 to 0 to 59 to 3. That lone field goal will make a world of difference. Maybe they’ll even find a quarterback there that won’t pee himself standing in the pocket.

The Jacksonville Jaguars join the YMCA. It sounds like another play 60 commercial, but it soon could be coming to life somewhere in Jacksonville. Maybe they’ll finally catch a break. Or they’ll probably just keep losing and Maurice Jones-Drew will be sitting at home tweeting about how the other kids aren’t very tough while they play in the playoffs and his team doesn’t because he sat out the final 6 games unable to play through the “pain” after cracking his knuckles too hard. That sounds like the Jaguars we all know.

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